If commerce students start making films

If commerce students start making films

Om Tally Om
Khabhi Credit Khabhi Debit
Cash Balance Wale Profit Le Jayenge
Main voucher ki diwani Hoon
Hum tax De chuke Sanam
Kaho Na cash Hai
Cheque de India :)

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"



4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought and messed up"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17 ."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Management Lessons

Four Management Lessons

Lesson Number One

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."


So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson Number Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson Number Three

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be Boss, any asshole will do!



Lesson Number Four

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard he bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:

1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

What is confidence?

What is confidence?

A hypothetical situation where 20 CEO's board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature Pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft.

Each one of the CEO's is then told, privately, that their company's software is Aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.

One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed, asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies "If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."

This is Confidence!!!

Desi Boy

Desi Boy: "Mere 4 Bhai & 6 Behne Hain, Aap K Kitne Hain?

American Boy:

"Mere Bhai, Behen Nahi,
Par Pehli Mom Se 4 Papa Aur Pehle Papa Se 6 Mom Hain"

What the Girls Want

What I Want in a Man, Original List

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer thing
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

Father watching TV

Father watching F T V suddenly son came.

Father: gareeb ladkiyan hain, kapde lene k liye bhi paise nahi hain!

Son: jab isse bhi gareeb aaen to mujhe bula lena.

Santa & Judge

Santa - Bachpan me maa ki baat suni hoti to aaj ye din na dekhna padta.

JUDGE - Kya kehti thi maa?

Santa - Jab baat hi nahi suni toh kaise bataun kya kehti thi.

Key Ideas Of Working

91. Tap into Your Secret Stress-Buster.
Breathing can help alleviate stress. Remind yourself to take slightly deeper breaths.

92. Speak to Others with Love and Respect.
It’s not only proper and less stressful to speak to other people in a kind and respectful manner, it is also smart business.

93. Don’t Go There.
If you feel that a path you’re taking might induce negative feelings, behavior, or
situations, don’t go there. Use the same principle when you find yourself asking
personal questions and thinking negative thoughts.

94. Remember to Appreciate the People You Work With.
People need and deserve to be appreciated. If you want to be around people who are happier and more loyal, show them your appreciation.

95. Don’t Sweat Your Critics.
When faced with critics, use their criticism to add to your growth. Don’t allow
yourself to become too affected.

96. Reduce Your Self-Induced Stress.
Believe it or not, you are personally responsible for a lot of the stress you are
feeling. Pay attention to your thoughts and try to dismiss the self-defeating ones.

97. Become Aware of the Thought Factor.
Your experience of life comes from your own thinking and perception. Choose to respond positively to negative situations.

98. Ease Off Your Ego.
Choose to shrink the size of your ego. This will take a lot of humility and
patience but this will ease a lot of pressure.

99. Remember, Small Stuff Happens.
Accept that you will encounter a lot of small stuff within the day. Instead of worrying or panicking, just accept that you will have to deal with them.

100. Don’t Live for Retirement.
Live for today. Don’t postpone being happy. Every day is important so you might as well be happy right now. If you do so, you will be happy every single day for the rest of your life.

Thought Of The Day

“ALL rewards come from doing, not from knowing.”

Key Ideas Of Working

80. Stay Close to Your Center.
When you feel calm and inspired, you are close to your center.

Therefore, you’ll be able to get work done more effectively and

efficiently.

81. Forgive Yourself, You’re Human.
Once again, you must face that it is inevitable that you’ll make

mistakes. Forgive your flaws and errors. Accept them as an

unavoidable fact of life and learn to recover from them.

82. Put Your Mind in Neutral.
By clearing your mind of focused thinking, you become responsive. Your best
work can be accomplished when your mind is in neutral.

83. Marvel at How Often Things Go Right.
Instead of complaining why things always go wrong, stop and

think about those times when everything went right.

84. Make Peace with Chaos.
Chaos is everywhere. The best way to deal with chaos is to

surrender and make peace with it. Instead of trying to control

your world, learn to work with chaos without being negatively affected.

85. Prevent Burnout.
Strive to keep a balanced life. You should also be growth-oriented. Make sure
you have a life outside of work.

86. Experience a Magical Transformation.
Transform your current way of thinking and behavior into a

more positive alternative. Review your negative habits and

traits and try to conquer them.

87. Avoid “If Only, Then” Thinking.
Stop wishing that things were different. It is destructive and even

worse; you are putting your happiness on hold.

88. Eliminate the Worry Factor.
When you worry less, you will experience more success. Excessive

worrying will only make it difficult for you to focus your efforts.

89. Ask for What You Want, But Don’t Insist on Getting It.
Do not be afraid to ask for what you want. However, do not be

attached to the outcome. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up

disappointment.

90. Remember the Whole Story.
Don’t focus on the negative. In truth, things are not as bad as it seems.