Thoughts Of Men

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting

To succeed
with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.


My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man.
I told
her to rub her eyes.



Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad,
and the good stuff is out of your price range


Not only is life a
bitch, but it is always having puppies


I am skilled at the art of
love. I just wish I had a bigger paintbrush


A dress makes no sense
unless it inspires men to want to take it off you


A good sermon
should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough
to cover the essentials

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except
over the phone to people I don't know.


The best contraceptive is the
word no - repeated frequently


Condoms aren't completely safe. A
friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus

We all worry about
the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.


The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that
sex for money usually costs less.


Any piece of clothing can be
sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it


Sex is like nose
picking. It's fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it's disgusting
watching someone else doing it.


There are two types of people in
this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the
waking hours
much more

Thought Of Man

It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have
the time


Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what
they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.


A good
sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long
enough to cover the essentials


I was told that when you hit forty men stop looking at you.
It's true, until you slip on a mini-skirt.


We all worry about the
population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.


When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When
you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity


A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends
must part.


Graze on my lips, and if those hills are dry, Stray lower
where the pleasant fountains lie.

Thought Of The Day

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are

Santa & Banta

Three friends after exam.
Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha
main paper khali chor aya hon.
Banta: Main bhi!
Santa: Shit yaar,
teacher samjhe gi hum ne cheating ki hay.


Jeeto: Sharm ani chahiye,
tumhare Preeto se sambhand hai.
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala?
Jeeto: Kal Banta aya tha usne tumhara Underwear pahena hua tha.


Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur
anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.


Jeeto: U know, husband & wife
aren't allowed to be together in heaven!
Santa: Yes, I do.That's why it's
called heaven!


Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next
day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank's slogan was: We
make your dreams come true...


Banta: Wife agar husband ko naukar
samjhe to husband ko kya karna chahiye?
Santa: Zyada kuch nahi, do char ghar
aur pakad lene chahiye.


Santa opened A College. Guess the Name of
College?
The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS