Thoughts Of Men

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting

To succeed
with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.


My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man.
I told
her to rub her eyes.



Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad,
and the good stuff is out of your price range


Not only is life a
bitch, but it is always having puppies


I am skilled at the art of
love. I just wish I had a bigger paintbrush


A dress makes no sense
unless it inspires men to want to take it off you


A good sermon
should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough
to cover the essentials

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except
over the phone to people I don't know.


The best contraceptive is the
word no - repeated frequently


Condoms aren't completely safe. A
friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus

We all worry about
the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.


The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that
sex for money usually costs less.


Any piece of clothing can be
sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it


Sex is like nose
picking. It's fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it's disgusting
watching someone else doing it.


There are two types of people in
this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the
waking hours
much more