Women

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.



They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up against injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.



They go without new shoes
so their children can have them.
They go to the doctor
with a frightened friend.



They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear
about a birth or a new marriage.



Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They have sorrow at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think
there is no strength left.



They know that a hug
and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.



Women come in all sizes,
in all colors and shapes.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.



The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth.
They bring joy and hope.
They give compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.



Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.

Girls.this is 4 u.

1. Working / Earning not mandatory.

2. We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar.

3. We don't have to bother on mobile bills.

4. We get out of speeding tickets by crying.

5. We don't have to stand on the queue to get tickets.

6. We can sleep our way to the top of the class.

7. We don't have to worry about the purse when we shop with men.

8. We can marry rich and then not have to work.


9. We never have to pay when we go out on dates.

10. Men take us on all expense paid trips

11. We always get place to sit when using public transport.

12. Easy to get a ride.

13. Men hold the door open for us.

14. Jewels looks good on us.

15. We lie better.

16. We're better manipulators.

17. We always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other halves - you guys get the couch.

18. We always have food in the fridge.

19. We don't worry about losing our hair.

20. We always get to choose the movie.

21. We don't have to mow the lawn.

22. We don't have to take out the garbage.

23. We don't have to paint the house or walls.

24. If we need to our boyfriends just a missed call is enough.

25. We can easily show our disappointments or disapprovals.

26. We can con our way out of anything - not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole.

27. Men unlock our side of the car first - a real bonus when its cold.

28. Even strangers shows care if we are in trouble. Men have to manage themselves.

29. Men are like tiles, lay 'em right the first time you can walk all over em forever.

30. We can cry in public. Men cant.

31. We don't feel shy to cry.

32. We don have worry if we lose the fight.

33. Sweat is sexy on us.

34. We never run out of excuses.

35. You guys may get to think about sex 200 times a day, but we could be having it that often.

36. We can borrow clothes or accessories from our friends.

37. We get expensive jewelry as gifts that we NEVER have to give back.

38. We get candy, flowers and jewelry all the time because men screw up so often.

39. We can give "the look" that will make any man want to cower in the corner.

40. Women are cleaner.

41. We know how to make up stories.

42. We're better arguers.

43. We don't always have to think with our genitals.

44. We don't have to worry if we are plump. Men still like us.

45. We're better parents.

46. We never have to sit home alone on a weekend night.

47. There's never a shortage of ready, willing, and able men.

48. We're flexible.

49. When women get upset, we don't destroy property or hurt people - we just take it out on the world in general because we can.

50. Easy to make friendships.

51. Much easy to get a date.

52. Men have to be in uniform.

53. We can do makeup anywhere

54. If we do heavy purchase we don't have to carry those things. Men are there.

55. It generally takes us less to get drunk.

56. We have a higher tolerance to pain.

57. We often get to cut in line (Queue).

58. Most women actually look good in short shorts - men DON'T.

59. Better tips.

60. Women who don't wear underwear are considered sexy and wild, when men do it, it's rather disgusting

61. We have mastered civilized eating - we don't embarrass our friends or make loud bodily noises in public.

62. Women can go a day without showering or shaving and not look or smell disgusting - thank heaven for long pants and perfume!

63. We can connive men into doing our homework, writing our papers or carrying our books anytime we want.

64. We don't have excessive amounts of body hair.

65. We don't spend 45 minutes on the toilet.

66. We don't bother if our IQ level is less. Just a smile is enough.

67. We are always smart.

68. We can throw a punch at a man and not get hit in return.

69. We don't have to lie to boast ourselves better.

70. Men walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so that if a car hits us, he gets hurt not us.

71. Women sweat less.

72. Women smell better.

73. When women make their boyfriends mad, we don't have to waste money on flowers or cards

74. Men are more often serial killers, thieves, rapists and cheats.

75. We don get charged if we tease men in public.

76. We can be late to the office.

77. We don't get embarrassed when buying tampons.

78. We're better gossips.

79. We have better fashion sense.

80. We're better shoppers.

81. We don't have to make fools out of ourselves to impress a man.

82. Our friends don't pick on us if we aren't sleeping with anyone.

83. Men don't know what our 'girl talk' is all about (and I'm not gonna tell you)

84. We're all sitting on a gold mine - we know it and use it to our extreme advantage.

85. We don't have to drive when on a date.

86. An ugly woman can use makeup and get a new hairdo to become presentable - ugly men are just ugly.

87. We can search for hours together in a shop not necessary to buy.

88. Don't have to maintain great physique.

89. Women look better naked

90. We know that rhythm doesn't only pertain to dancing.

91. When women are short, we're petite. When men are short, they're just short.

92. Women do less time for violent crimes.

93. Women don't have to worry about not being able to get it up.

94. There are many hands to lift us when we slip to ground. Poor men they have to get up on their own.

95. And we don't have to feel shy about falling down.

96. Women's conversations generally consist of more than just "uh huh, yep ok then bye"

97. Women don't need an excuse to be in a bad mood.

98. The remote control is not an extension of ourselves.

99. Women are sexier.

100. We can get laid ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ANY WAY we want it.........!

What the Girls Want

What I Want in a Man, Original List

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer thing
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

WHAT IS MARRIAGE

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffeRING.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.

18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.

19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.

21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.

22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.

25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.

26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.

28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

(That's Women...!)

If you kiss her,
you are not a gentleman
If you don't,
you are not a man



If you praise her,
she thinks you are lying
If you don't,
you are good for nothing



If you agree to all her likes,
you are a wimp
If you don't,
you are not understanding



If you visit her often,
she thinks you are boring
If you don't,
she accuses you of double-crossing



If you are well dressed,
she says you are a playboy
If you don't,
you are a dull boy


If you are jealous,
she says it's bad
If you don't,
she thinks you do not love her



If you attempt a romance,
she says you didn't respect her
If you don't,
she thinks you do not like her



If you are a minute late,
she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late,
she says that's a girl's way



If you visit another man,
you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman,
"oh it's natural, we are girls"



If you kiss her once in a while,
she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often,
she yells that you are taking advantage


If you fail to help her in crossing the street,
you lack ethics
If you do,
she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction



If you stare at another woman,
she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men,
she says that they are just admiring


If you talk,
she wants you to listen
If you listen,
she wants you to talk




In short:

So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful... ....WOMEN!