A Student who got 0% Marks, was surprised because his all answers were seemingly correct !

Q.1 - In which battle did Tipu Sultan Die ?..

Ans. - In his Last Battle..

Q.2 - Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?

Ans. - At the Bottom of the Page..

Q.3 - What is the Main Reason for Divorce ?..

Ans. - Marriage..

Q.4 - Ganga Flows in which State ?..

Ans. - Liquid State..

Q.5 - When was Mahatma Gandhi Born ?..

Ans.- On His Birthday..

Q.6 - How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People ?..

Ans - By Preparing Mango Shake..!!

Q.7 - India Me saal bhar Sabse Zyada Baraf Kaha Girti Hai...???

Awesome Reply By Student :- "Daaru K Glass Me..."

Q. 8 - Why Hindu Law does not permit Second Marriage...???

Answer :
Indian Constitution - Article 20(2)-says, "No man can be punished twice for same offence"
😝😝😝😝😄😄😄😄😝😝😝😝

एक आदमी को पत्नी के साथ मारपीट करने के जुर्म में अदालत में पेश किया गया.

जज ने पति की जबानी पूरी घटना ध्यान से सुनी और भविष्य में अच्छा व्यवहार करने की चेतावनी देकर छोड़ दिया.

अगले ही दिन आदमी ने पत्नी को फिर मारा और फिर अदालत में पेश किया गया.

जज ने कड़क कर पूछा –
“तुम्हारी दुबारा ऐसा करने की हिम्मत कैसे हुई ?
अदालत को मजाक समझते हो ?”

आदमी ने अपनी सफाई में जज को बताया –
नहीं हुजूर, आप मेरी पूरी बात सुन लीजिए.
कल जब आपने मुझे छोड़ दिया तो अपने- आपको रिफ्रेश करने के लिए मैंने थोड़ी सी शराब पी ली. जब उससे कोई फर्क नहीं पड़ा तो थोड़ी-थोड़ी करके मैं पूरी बोतल
पी गया.
पीने के बाद जब मैं घर पहुंचा तो पत्नी चिल्ला कर बोली –
नालायक , आ गया नाली का पानी पीकर !”

हुजूर, मैंने चुपचाप सुन लिया, और कुछ नहीं कहा.

फिर वह बोली – “नीच, कुछ
काम धंधा भी किया कर या केवल पैसे बर्बाद करने का ही ठेका ले रखा है … !”

हुजूर, मैंने फिर भी कुछ नहीं कहा और सोने के लिए अपने कमरे में जाने लगा.

वह पीछे से फिर चिल्लाई – “अगर उस निकम्मे जज में थोड़ी सी भी अकल होती तो तू आज जेल में
होता … !!!”

बस हुजूर, अदालत की तौहीन मुझसे बर्दाश्त नहीं हुई ….और.....
👊👋👊👋👊👋👊👋👊👋👊👋👊👋👊.!!
😜😝😜😝😜😝😜😂

केस ख़ारिज..
पति बा'इज्ज़त बरी..
☺☺😛😛

don't mesh with Engineer

interviewer :Let me check your word Power... ENGINEER: ok Sir ..... Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of .....good. ENGINEER: hmmmm..... Bad Interviewer : Come ENGINEER: Go. Interviewer : Ugly. ENGINEER: Pichlli. Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII? ENGINEER: UGLYYYYYYYYY.. Interviewer : Shut Up. ENGINEER: Keep Talking. Interviewer ok now stop these all.. ENGINEER: now carry on this all Interviewer :abe...chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaaaa ENGINEER:abe bolta rah..bolta rah..bolta rahhh Interviewer :Areeee yaaar ENGINEER: areeee dushmannnnnn Interviewer : Get Out. ENGINEER: Come In. Interviewer : Oh my God. ENGINEER : Oh my Devil. Interviewer : U r Rejected. ENGINEER: I m selected...Than k u thank u sir. Moral-Dont ever try to mess with engineer..

Husband/Wife

Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC

No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor

He is designed to remain Silent indoor...

.....................................................................

"Husband is one who is the head of the family,

but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."

........................................................................

A man in Hell asked Devil:

Can I make a call to my Wife?

After making call he asked how much to pay.

Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

................................................................

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever

...........................................................................

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one every day.

.................................................................

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you

...................................................................

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..

Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.

....................................................................

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?

Husband: A lovely Push...!

Crushed nuts

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly,
painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

Now, before you ' forget ', send them on to some other folks you know

Who could use a good laugh !!!

Jokes

WIFE:

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you



Msg Digest:

This is the best and most civil wayto have fight, instead of resorting to
physical force both by
husband and wife.



Wife: You say that I looked Old
but people still praise me.

Husband: It must be John
Wife: How do you know?
Husband: kabaadi wala hai sala :P



Pathan apne baap se:
Hamara shadi krwao..Baap:kis k sath?
Pathan: Dadi k sath,
Baap:
nalaik wo hmara Maa hePathan:To tumne hamara Maa k
sath kyu kia hum bdla lega

Jokes

Apni Biwi ko apni 100% kamai dene se 10% Sukh milta hai. 
Kisi doosri ko apni kamai ka 10% dene pe 100% sukh milta hai
Paisa apka ... Faisla apka ...

"Funny but true fact !!
A woman worries about her future till she gets a husband,
A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife !! ..
What do u say???????????

A Man before marriage is - Superman.
After Marriage - Gentleman.
5 Years Later - Watchman.
10 Years later - Apne Hi Jaal Mein fasaa hua Spiderman.

Life may hamesha Haste raho, muskrate raho, gaate raho, gungunate raho...
thaki tumhe dekh kar hi log samaj jaye ki……………
Tum... "KUWARE" ho…..

Wife- agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband - main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi ho.....
KHUSH RAHO



Wife - Shadi ki raat tum ne jab mera ghunghat uthaya to kaisi lagti thi..
Husband - Mai to mar hi jata agar mujhe hanuman chalisa na yaad hoti..!!


Why love marriage is better than Arranged????
B'coz a "KNOWN DEVIL" is better than an "UNKNOWN GHOST".


Wife: main tumhari yaad mein Bees din mein hi aadhi ho gayi hoon,
mujhe lene kab aa rahe ho?
HUSBAND: Bees din aur ruk jaao.


A man gave an add in Matrimonial column "PATNI CHAHIYE"
He got 1000 replies all saying:- "Meri Le Ja...!", ''Meri Le Ja...!''


Husband to Hotel Manager: "Jaldi chalo! meri biwi khidki se kud kar jaan dena chahti hai"
Manager: "What can I do?
Husband: "Kamine, khidki nahi khul rahi hai."


Every person is a FREEDOM FIGHTER ........ Immediately after Marriage!!


Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor and a Matter of Survival for a married man.
Good Luck!


Woh kahte hain ki hamari biwi swarg ki Apsara hai,
Hum ne kaha khushnaseeb ho bhai, hamari to abhi Jinda hai...

Is My Time UP ?




A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up ?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought yousaid I had another 43 years. Why didn't you pull me fromout of the path of the ambulance ?"

God replied:
"I didn't recognize you ! "


The Moral of the story is..
Remain what you are..... Don't confuse God !

Two men , one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American," You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.

We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, " Talking about love marriages?... I'll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.

"After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son I.e. My brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems...? 

Boys Are Idiot

If a girl is in Love , her parents will ask who's that idiot?
If a boy is in Love, his parents ask
Idiot, who's that girl?

Misconception:
No matter whoever in love, boys are always idiots

Proposed theory:
Boys are normal before love, but become idiots after they fall in love

Concluded theory:
Girls always love Idiots....

GOOD LAUGH

Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one. "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid. If you don't believe me I'll show you.
He called his driver Santa over and said, "Santa, here is a $10 note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes".
To which Santa replied, "Yes Sir! Right away, Sir!" and rushed off to the Showroom.

The rich man then turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid."

The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid."
And he called his driver, Banta.

"Banta, go home now and check to see if I'm at home."
To which Banta said, "Yes Sir! Right away, Sir!" and ran home.

"See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."

Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Santa said to Banta, "Banta, you know my boss is sooooooo stupid. He gave me $10 and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes.....Doesn't he know that today is Sunday , the showroom is closed!"

Banta replied, "You think your boss is stupid? My boss is worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home... He got handphone what, he can just call up to check na !!!"

Santa

nta sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********
********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs &
marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai,
lekin biwi ko nahi.

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the,
ab use pehchan nahin pa raha

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* *********

THE BEST ONE ! ! ! ! !
Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya ,
gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta: Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga...
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Pappu: Ajj madam ne 1 swaal puchhya
jisda jawab sirf mainu hi pata si.
Santa: Mera biba beta, ki swaal si?
Pappu: Swaal si k blackboard kol susu kine kita hai?

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Inspector to Banta: Faansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai?
Banta: Mere pair upar aur sir neeche kar k faansi de do..!

jokes

Boy: I’m not rich like Rahul, I don’t even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U!
Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul



Question : Why do girls close
their eyes while kissing a guy?
Guess…
Guess
.
.
.
Answer : Yeh ladkiyan ladkon
ko kabhi khush nahi dekh sakti.



Teacher: How Old is ur father. Sunny: As old as I m. Tcher: How is it possible? Sunny: He bcom father only after I was born.


Why Sardar study in front of Mirror??????
1) It Saves Revision Time…..
2) He Likes Combined Studies…..
3) Lastly he wants someone to keep an eye on him…



Ladki patane ka tarika “use gudgudi karo agar hasi to samzo fasi lekin palat k chata mar de to zor zor se chillao ” didi dar gayi didi dar gayi”.



sardar to his friend :
i kiss my wife everyday before i go to office & u >
friend : i kiss your wife after u go to office
sardar : haha ha i kiss 1st..



boy propose to a girl ::- do you love me.>
girl- shakal dekhi hai apni.
isse acha to main mar jana pasand karoongi
boy – kamini mar jayegi par ek
garib ke kaam nahin aayegi..



Date pai ghalib apni grl frnd ka wait kar rahai thai grl frnd kai dair sai anai par farmaya……
Falak kai sitaroun ko neend arahi hai..
Pagal ki bachii tou ab arahi hai


Sardar travelling 1st time in a plain,going 2 Bengalore.While it’s landing he shouted
“Bangalore, Bangalore”
Air hostess said:“B silent”[/b
Sardar:"angalore, angalore"


Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.



Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi kar Lena.
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!



Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain?
Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya jaa rahi hai?



It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Sardarji

Daru ki vajah se barbad sarabi ne kasam li aur ghar se daru ki bottles fekne laga........
1st fek ke bola teri vajah se meri naukari gayi.
2nd fek ke bola teri vajah se mera ghar bika.
3rd fekte bola teri vajah se meri bivi chali gayi.
4th Utai to vo bhara hua nikla, To bola tu side me ho ja isme tera koi kasur nahi hai



While travelling a sardar was carrying a binocular with him.
But he never seemed to use it while looking outside the window.
A co-passenger who was travelling with him asked why he was carrying binoculars.
The sardar simply said ..."I am on my way to see a distant relative."

Men Comes Late

Once There Was A Man.
He Used To Always Come In Time.

Once He Was Late.
Hence His Boss Asked Why Are U Late.
He Answered:

We Have A Lady In Our Society, She Is Very Acurate In A Word To Say. When She Plays Any Game ,she Wears The Clothes Which Are Ment For The Game. When She Goes To Her Office She Where's Formals Kind. When She Goes For A Picnic She Wears Dashing Clothes.

Hearing This His Boss Was Absolutely Flattered But In His Mind He Still Had One? Why Was The Man Late.

The Man Answered:
Today Was Her Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

Santa & Banta

Three friends after exam.
Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha
main paper khali chor aya hon.
Banta: Main bhi!
Santa: Shit yaar,
teacher samjhe gi hum ne cheating ki hay.


Jeeto: Sharm ani chahiye,
tumhare Preeto se sambhand hai.
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala?
Jeeto: Kal Banta aya tha usne tumhara Underwear pahena hua tha.


Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur
anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.


Jeeto: U know, husband & wife
aren't allowed to be together in heaven!
Santa: Yes, I do.That's why it's
called heaven!


Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next
day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank's slogan was: We
make your dreams come true...


Banta: Wife agar husband ko naukar
samjhe to husband ko kya karna chahiye?
Santa: Zyada kuch nahi, do char ghar
aur pakad lene chahiye.


Santa opened A College. Guess the Name of
College?
The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS

Desi Boy

Desi Boy: "Mere 4 Bhai & 6 Behne Hain, Aap K Kitne Hain?

American Boy:

"Mere Bhai, Behen Nahi,
Par Pehli Mom Se 4 Papa Aur Pehle Papa Se 6 Mom Hain"

Father watching TV

Father watching F T V suddenly son came.

Father: gareeb ladkiyan hain, kapde lene k liye bhi paise nahi hain!

Son: jab isse bhi gareeb aaen to mujhe bula lena.

Santa & Judge

Santa - Bachpan me maa ki baat suni hoti to aaj ye din na dekhna padta.

JUDGE - Kya kehti thi maa?

Santa - Jab baat hi nahi suni toh kaise bataun kya kehti thi.

The Biggest Mystery of Maths

The Biggest Mystery of Maths

1000s of years passed,
Millions of theorems derived,
Thousands of formulas made,

But still.....


X is unknown!!


but


XXX is well known!