Two men , one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American," You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.

We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, " Talking about love marriages?... I'll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.

"After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son I.e. My brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems...? 

Mother

Some Best Lines about MOTHER 
ABBREVIATION OF MOTHER:

M:MOST
O:ORIGNAL
T:TOPCLASS
H:HONOURABLE
E:EXCELLENT
R:RESPECTABLE

Who ran to help me when I fell,
And would some pretty story tell,
Or kiss the place to make it well?
My Mother.

Smiles of happy sunshine,
Arms of everlasting love,
Touch of sweet roses,
There is magic in the air
Whenever You are there,
Mother, everything to U I owe,
May all pleasures of life come your way.

When u feel u r alone in a crowd,
when u think no one can understand u,
when u think your love is rejected by others,
and when u hate your life just close your eyes and think about her who loves u truly,
cares for u in your loneliness, dies when u cry,
she is no one else but  MOM

The love she has deep in her heart,
Always gives me a good jump start,
She is the one who's love is true,
Thank u Mom for being u.

The Miracle of Life
Nurtured by a woman
Who gave us
Love and sacrifice
is MOTHER

When you feel you are alone in the Crowd,
When you Think No one can Understand you,
When your love is rejected by others,
& when your hate your Life,
Just Close your eyes,
& see,
Her face who Loves you,
More than any one else,
Who Care for you in loneliness,
& dies when you cry.
She is no One,
But your Sweet Loving Mother.
Love your mom first.

There is no velvet so soft as a mother's lap,
no rose as lovely as her smile,
no path so flowery as that imprinted with her footsteps.

Mother love is the fuel that
enables a normal human being
to do the impossible.

A mother serves her sugar with
A bit of peppermint
To clarify the passages
That carry what she meant
When she first set to bear a soul
Quite separate from her own,
Whom she would cherish, yet must teach
To live and die alone.

M For the MILLION things she gave me,
O For she's growing OLD,
T For the TEARS she shed to save me,
H For her HEART of purest gold,
E For her EYES, with love-light shining,
R For she is always RIGHT and always be.

Being a full-time mother is
one of the highest salaried jobs
since the payment is pure love.

Once upon a memory
Someone wiped away a tear
Held me close and loved me,
Thank you, dear Mother .

If I have never said thank you for bringing me into the world I'd like to do that now.

The sweetest sounds to mortals given are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.

Never marry a man who hates his mother, because he'll end up hating you.

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.

The Best, Which Touched:

When I came home in the rain,
My Brother Asked: Why U Didn't take an Umbrella.
Sister:(Advised) why didn't U wait till rain stopped.
Father(Angrily) : Warned! only after getting cold, U will realize.
.

Mother: while drying my Hair, said,
STUPID RAIN! couldn't it wait, till my child came home.
That's MAA (Mother)

Information

1. What is the expansion ( Full Form ) of YAHOO? 
  
  
Yet Another Hierarchy of Officious Oracle 
  
  
2. What is the expansion ( Full Form ) of ADIDAS? 
  
  
ADIDAS- All Day I Dream About Sports 
  
  
3. Expansion of Star as in Star TV Network? 
  
  
Satellite Television Asian Region 
  
  
4. What is expansion of "ICICI?" 
  
  
Industrial credit and Investments Corporation of India 
  
  
5. The 1984-85 season. 2nd ODI between India and Pakistan at Sialkot - 
INDIA 210/3 with Vengsarkar 94*. Match abandoned. Why? 
  
  
That match was abandoned after people heard 
The news of Indira Gandhi being killed. 
  
  
6. Who is the only man to have written the National Anthems   
For two different countries? 
  
  
Rabindranath Tagore who wrote national anthem for two different   
Countries one is our 's National anthem and another one is for   
BANGLADESH-( Amar Sonar* *Bangla ) 
  
7. From what four word expression does the word `goodbye` derive? 
  
  
Goodbye comes from the ex-pression: 'god be with you'. 
  
  
8. How was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu better known? 
  
  
Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu is none other Mother Teresa 
  
  
9. Name the only other country to have got independence on Aug 15th? 
  
  
South Korea 
  
  
10. Why was James Bond Associated with the Number 007? 
  
  
Because 007 is the ISD code for Russia (or the USSR , 
As it was known during the cold war) 
  
  
11. Who faced the first ball in the first ever One day match? 
  
  
Geoffrey Boycott 
  
  
12. Which cricketer played for South Africa before it was banned   
From international cricket and later represented Zimbabwe ? 
  
John Traicos 
  
13. Which is the only country that is surrounded from all sides by   
Only one country (other than Vatican )? 
  
  
LESOTHO Surrounded from all sides by South Africa .. 
  
  
14. Which is the only sport which is not allowed to play left handed? 
  
  
Polo 

OTHER USES OF A TOOTHPASTE

Subject: 26 OTHER USES OF A TOOTHPASTE

26 Other Uses Of A Toothpaste Although the primary use of toothpaste is to clean and improve the aesthetic appearance and health of teeth, there are also 26 other things that you can use it for. Every household has one and every household uses it at least twice a day. And because of the common availability of toothpaste, you can try everything below. Remember, use only white toothpaste.  1.Removes stain from cloth To take out all kinds of stain like ink or lipstick. Squeeze some on the spot, scrub and rinse. 2.Even out scratches on CD / DVD If the screen freezes, take out the disc, put some toothpaste on it, scrub and clean it off. 3.Cleans diamond ring Just squeeze a little on a used toothbrush, wet the ring, scrub gently, rinse and your diamond ring should be look sparkling new. 4.Cleans silver Toothpaste can be used to polish any kind of silver. It really does bring out the shine in silverwares. 5.Placate burns Right after you get burnt, put it on. It helps to relieve the sting. 6.Removes crayon from painted walls Rub the marks with the toothpaste and a damp rag. Wipe with water to get rid of residue. 7.Remove carpet stains Squeeze some onto the carpet, scrub, rinse and let it dry. 8.Relieves insect bites Spread a little over either of these and you�ll feel soothed and no itches. Mosquito, flea and ant bites work especially well. 9.Keep girl babies� bows in their hair If they don�t have much hair this is particularly useful. It doesn�t pull it out, it just washes out. 10.Clean your nails Teeth and nails are made of the same material. To clean your nails, squeeze some on top of a toothbrush, wet your nails and brush them thoroughly. Be amazed by the sparkle. 11.Clean shoes Scrubbing toothpaste with a wet toothbrush over the boots, working shoes and rubber part of sneakers will work. It can also be used to remove scuffs. 12.Put up posters You can use toothpaste to put up posters without damaging the wall. However, avoid using it for collector posters. It can damage the ink over time. 13.Use it to temporarily seal holes Can be used as a spackle to fill nail holes. This sounds evil, but you can use it right before you move out of your rented apartment. 14.Clean around the bathroom Use it to clean shower doors and rings around the bath tub. It has an abrasive so that is why it works good. 15.Clean your vehicle�s headlight lenses Put some toothpaste in a bowl with some water. Use a buffer pad and clean off fog caused by dirt and bugs hitting them. 16.Clean model cars Hobbyists who collect and build model cars, robots and action figures can certainly use toothpaste to make them nice and shiny. 17.Remove scratches on your watch crystal Dab some on the watch and scrub it with tissue. 18.Treat acne Be very careful when using this. Use it at most once a week. Just dab a small amount on a pimple before bed, wake up and it will dry up. 19.Prevent fog in your swimming goggles Just wipe it on, clean it off. Works well for me. 20. Removes stain from the key tops.  A dab of toothpaste, a soft cloth and some rubbing will usually clean piano key tops and turn them white again. 21.Deodorize smelly hands Wash your hands with a dab of toothpaste and it will remove smells like onions and other unpleasant odors. 22.Remove scratches on glassware Polish with a squeeze of toothpaste. Your glassware should be shining in no time. 23.Remove beach tar Getting that black beach tar on your feet can put a small crimp in your vacation, but it is easy enough to remove. Just rub it with some non-gel toothpaste and rinse. 24.Deodorize baby bottles Works for sour smelling baby bottles. Scrub with toothpaste and a bottle brush and the bottles should end up smelling clean and fresh. 25.Cleans clothes iron The mild abrasive in non-gel toothpaste is just the ticket for scrubbing the gunk off the bottom plate of your clothes iron. Apply the toothpaste to the cool iron, scrub with a cloth, then rinse clean.  26.Remove water marks from furniture To get rid of those telltale watermark rings left by sweating beverages, gently rub some non-gel toothpaste on the wood with a soft cloth

Breathing Therapy

Breathing Therapy

The nose has a left and a right side; we use both to inhale and exhale.Actually they are different; you would be able to feel the difference. The right side represents the sun, left side represents the moon.
During a headache, try to close your right nose and use your left nose to breathe. In about 5 mins, your headache will be gone?  During a headache, try to close your right nose and use your left nose to breathe. In about 5 mins, your headache will be gone?  If you feel tired, just reverse, close your left nose and breathe through your right nose.After a while, you will feel your mind is refreshed. Right side belongs to 'hot', so it gets heated up easily, left side belongs to 'cold'.

Most females breathe with their left noses, so they get "cooled off" faster.

Most of the guys breathe with their right noses, they get worked up. Do you notice the moment we wake up, which side breathes faster? Left or right? ? If left is faster, you will feel tired. So, close your left nose and use your right nose for breathing, you will get refreshed quickly.

This can be taught to kids but it is more effective when practiced by adults. 
Most females breathe with their left noses, so they get "cooled off" faster. 
Most of the guys breathe with their right noses, they get worked up. Do you notice the moment we wake up, which side breathes faster? Left or right? ? If left is faster, you will feel tired. So, close your left nose and use your right nose for breathing, you will get refreshed quickly. 
This can be taught to kids but it is more effective when practiced by adults. 

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before

 CLASSIC: 

A book
which people praise,
but never read

 SMILE: 

A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life

 YAWN: 

The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth

ATOM BOMB: 

An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions

PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead

DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip

 PESSIMIST: 

A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY

MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!

 CRIMINAL: 

A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught

 POLITICIAN: 

One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later