Monday, April 22, 2013

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Try everything twice.
On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:
"Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!"

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)


3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever...
Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.'
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,
spend lots and lots of time with HIM /HER.

6.. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever..
Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips..
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next city, state,
to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
I love you, my special friend.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance.

You may like to send this to people - who cares?

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Education in India.


Education in India.

Most 'First Class' students get technical seats, some become Doctors and some Engineers.


The 'Second Class' pass, and then get MBA, become Administrators and control the 'First Class'. 


The 'Third Class' pass, enter politics and 
Become Ministers and control both. 


Last, but not the least, 
The 'Failures' join the underworld and 
control all the above. 


And those who do not attend any school, become 
Swamis and Gurus and Everyone goes to them.

If you husband is Software Programmer


Very hilarious

This is brilliant !!!! 

INSTALLING HUSBAND.....
A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy..


Dear Tech Support,


Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.


In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0,MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1 .


Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems but it just doesn't seem to work.
What can I do?


Signed,........................


Reply...


DEAR Madam,


First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, While Husband 1.0 is an operating system.


Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.


If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..


However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Beer 6.1..


Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)


In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.


To summarize -   1.0 is a great program
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.


Good Luck Madam!
_

Monday, March 4, 2013

New Alphabet:



A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

Now The Alphabet For Seniors: 

  
A's for arthritis, 
B's the bad back, 
C's the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac? 


D is for dental decay and decline, 
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention, 
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention. 


H is for high blood pressure - I'd rather it low; 
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, 
K is for knees that crack when they bend.



L 's for libido, what happened to sex? 
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; 
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!


P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? 
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two. 
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, 
T is for Tinnitus, bells in my ears!
U is for urinary, troubles with flow, 
V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know. 



W for worry, now what's going 'round? 
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I'm left here behind, 

Z is for zest I still have - in my mind! 

Dream that Reveals


To dream that you are in a cab indicates that you are being taken for a ride. Someone is taking advantage of you.To dream that you are hailing a cab suggests that you need to ask for help in order to be able to move forward in some waking situation. 
Cabin 
To see or dream that you are in a wood cabin indicates that you will succeed via your own means.  It suggests that you are self-reliant and independent, yet still remain humble. You prefer the simpler things in life.
To see a cactus in your dream suggests that you are feeling invaded, that your space is being crowded into and that you are being suffocated.  The prickly spines of the cactus represent the boundary you are trying to establish between your personal and private. Or you feel the need to defend yourself in some way. Alternatively, the dream implies that  you have found yourself in a sticky situation. Perhaps you need to adapt to your existing circumstances instead of trying to change them.
To dream that you are in a cage indicates that you are experiencing inhibitions and powerlessness in some areas of your life. You are feeling restricted, confined and restrained in a current relationship or business deal. Somebody may be keeping a short leash on you, where you are lacking the freedom to act independently. 
To dream that you are putting a wild animal into a cage signifies that you will succeed in overcoming your rivals and fears. It is also symbolic of your ability to control you animalistic rages and anger. 
To see a bird in a cage suggests that you are feeling limited in your expression and a sudden lost of freedom. You may be experiencing frustrations and an inhibited spirituality.

Camel
To see a camel in your dream denotes that you need to be more conservative; you are carrying too many responsibilities, burdens and problems on your shoulders. You tend to hold on and cling on to your emotions instead of expressing and releasing them. Learn to forgive and forget. 
To dream that you are petting a camel indicates that you are ready to let go of some of the burdens, responsibilities or emotional baggage that you are carrying around.
Canal
To see a canal in your dream symbolizes restraint and constricted emotions. It also suggests that you are unyielding in your thinking and beliefs, which may hinder you in the pursuit of your goals. You are being too controlling.
Cancer
To dream that you have cancer denotes hopelessness, grief, self-pity, and unforgiveness. You feel you are wasting your life away. This dream also represents areas in your life which are bothering you, disturbing you, and hurting you in some emotional way. An emotional issue is eating away at you.
To dream that you are being treated for cancer signifies a positive change in your life.
To dream that someone has cancer indicates that you need to change your negative way of thinking before it eats away at you. Start being more positive. 
Candle
To see a burning candle in your dream signifies that good luck and hope will be coming your way in small and steady amounts. You are in a comfortable stage in your life and may be seeking spiritual enlightenment. Lit candles are also symbolic of intellect, enlightenment, awareness or the search for truth.
To see an unlit candle denotes feelings of rejection or disappointments. You are not utilizing your fullest potential. If you try to light the candle, but it won't light, then it represents grief. You are in denial about something.
Carnival
To dream that you are at the carnival represents falsehoods and deception. If you observe freakish sights, then it denotes a lack of harmony in your domestic life. Much sorrow will arise in what were thought to be pleasant times.
To see a castle in your dream signifies reward, honor, recognition, and praise for your achievements. You are destined to a position of power, wealth, and prestige. Alternatively, the dream indicates your desire to escape from life's daily problems.
To dream that you live in a castle represents your extreme need for security and protection to the point where you may be isolating yourself from others. Perhaps the dream parallels a waking situation where it  has put you on the defensive.
To see a cat in your dream symbolizes an independent spirit, feminine sexuality, creativity, and power. It also represents misfortune and bad luck. The dream symbol has different significance depending on whether you are a cat lover or not. The cat could indicate that someone is being deceitful or treacherous toward you. If the cat is aggressive, then it suggests that you are having problems with the feminine aspect of yourself. If you are afraid of the cat in your dream, then it suggests that you are fearful of the feminine. If you see a cat with no tail, then it signifies a loss of independence and lack of autonomy. 
Cattle
To see cattle in your dream indicates that you need to proceed with caution in some situation or relationship. 
To see a herd of cattle in your dream represents a lack of individuality. You generally go with the flow of things. Alternatively, it symbolizes prosperity.
To see a stampede of cattle in your dream suggests that something in your life is out of control.
To dream that you are in a cemetery indicates an end to a habit or behavior. You are experiencing a rebirth. More directly, the dream may symbolize sadness, unresolved grief or your fears about death.
Chat Room
To dream that you are in a chat room represents your need to connect with others on a mental level. The dream could also mean that you are spending too much time in front of the computer and this has carried over into your dreams. You need to get out and socialize in the real world. 
To see chickens in your dream symbolize cowardliness and a lack of willpower. The dream may be a pun on being a chicken or chickening out of some situation. Chickens also represent excessive chatter and gossip. Listen closely to what people may be saying about you or what you are saying about others.    
To see a chimney in your dream represents warmth, tradition, and family values.  Alternatively, a chimney symbolizes the phallus. So if the chimney is smoking, then it represents sexual release. If it is not smoking, then it signifies sexual tension or your need for sexual release. If the chimney collapses, then it implies impotence.
Chimpanzee
To see a chimpanzee in your dream suggests that what you thought was true is actually not. You are over-thinking an issue.
Christ
To see Christ in your dream represents perfection of the self and spiritual truth. You need to achieve self-fulfillment through love. This symbol has many personal associations for you, depending on your belief.
To see the outside of the church in your dream signifies sacredness and spiritual nourishment. It is representative of your value system and the things you hold sacred. 
To dream that you are inside a church suggests that you are seeking for spiritual enlightenment and guidance. You are looking to be uplifted in some way. Perhaps you have made some past mistakes which have set you back on your path toward your goals. With proper support, you will get on the right track again. Alternatively, the dream may also mean that you are questioning and debating your life path and where it is leading.

To dream that you are at the circus indicates your desires for a more exciting life. Alternatively, it suggests that you are easily influenced or lured into dangerous situations. Sometimes you are giving off the wrong impression to others. Consider the significance of the various acts you see in your dream.
To see or work with clay in your dream represents creativity, flexibility and the ability to shape your mind or mold yourself to fit into a situation. It may also mean that you are able to manipulate things to your advantage.  Alternatively, it indicates your need to set some goals and plans for yourself. You have some growing up to do and need to plan for the future. According to Freudian perspective, clay symbolizes feces. 
To dream that you are standing at the edge of a cliff indicates that you have reached an increased level of understanding, new awareness, and a fresh point of view. You have reached a critical point in your life and cannot risk losing control. Alternatively, it suggests that you are pondering a life-altering decision.
To dream that you or someone falls off a cliff suggests that you are going through a difficult time and are afraid of what is ahead for you. You fear that you may not be up for the challenge or that you cannot meet the expectations of others. 
To dream that you are climbing to the top of a cliff symbolizes your ambition and drive. The dream may parallel your desires to achieve success and to be the at the top of your profession.

To see fluffy, white clouds in your dream signify inner peace, spiritual harmony and compassion. An  issue in your waking life may be clearing up.
To see dark or stormy clouds in your dream symbolize depression or anger. It indicates an impending eruption of emotions. Alternatively, it represents a lack of wisdom or confusion in some situation.

Coal
To see a coal in your dream represents wealth and prosperity. It also points to your unused potential. Alternatively, it indicates that you have been misbehaving and have been caught in the act.
Coffin
To see a coffin in your dream symbolizes the womb. It also signifies your thoughts and fears of death. If the coffin is empty, then it denotes irreconcilable differences. Alternatively, the coffin represents ideas and habits that are no longer of use and can be buried. In particular, if the coffin is white, then it refers to lost innocence.
To see a body in a coffin in your dream signifies that you are going through a period of depression. You may feel confined, restricted and that you are lacking personal freedom. There may be a dead or decaying situation or issue in your life that you need to address. It is time to end this situation or relationship.
To see coins in your dream indicate missed or overlooked opportunities that have come your way.  To see gold coins in your dream represent success and wealth.  Silver coins represent spirituality, intuition, values, and your sense of self-worth. Copper coins indicates healing.
To dream that you are in a coma indicates your helplessness and inability to function in some given situation. You are not prepared for the major changes that are happening around you. Alternatively, your dream coma state may reflect what is really happening to your body when you are in the dream stage of sleep
Construction
To dream that a building is under construction suggests that you need to work on some aspect of yourself and better your mind or body.
Crossing
To dream that you are crossing a street suggests that you are putting yourself in harm's way. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you like to go against the majority. As a result, you become the target of criticism.
To dream that you are crossing a river or some body of water symbolizes a spiritual change or reawakening.
Crow
To see a crow in your dream represents death and the darker aspects of your character. The dream could also be pointing out your annoying habits. Alternatively, the crow may be conveying a message from your subconscious. 
To dream that you have a cut suggests that you are being let down or being undermined. Alternatively, it refers to feminine sexuality and feminine attitudes toward sex. In particular, if the cuts are on your legs, then it symbolizes an imbalance. You are unable to stand up for yourself.
To dream that you are cutting yourself indicates that you are experiencing some overwhelming turmoil or problems in your waking life. You are trying to disconnect yourself from the unbearable pain you are experiencing.

Difference between Complete and Finished..

Difference between Complete and Finished..
No dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner.
His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.

Here is his astute answer:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

15 Ways to Recharge Your Energy Levels!

15 Ways to Recharge Your Energy Levels! 

Do you get that feeling sometimes like you're so tired your head is just going to drop down at any moment?
We've all been there, and it's hard to deal with this feeling, especially when doing something important like work or hanging out with family. That is why we've gathered these 15 ways to energize yourself you can do almost anywhere! We hope this will help charge your battery!

1. Eat a banana
Bananas provide minerals, nutrients and stimulants such as potassium, which provides controlled energy, preferred to the type of energy obtained all at once from simple sugars.

2. Place head between your legs
This trick will get blood flowing to your head. Sit on a chair and put your head between your legs. 
Send your arms towards the floor and relax your body for 20 seconds. After the time has passed, rise slowly, vertebra by vertebra. This exercise will give you energy that gradually unfolds.

3. Drink Green Tea
Yes we've said it before, but the fact still remains that green tea has an abundance of phytochemicals called tannins. These help, among other things, to calm the nervous system and thus increase the feeling of well-being.

4. Pinch your cheeks
Our grandparents probably had a good reason to pinch our cheek. This stimulates the blood flow to the face and makes you feel more alert.

5. Drink lots of water
All body systems require a large amount of water to function. In the absence of water in the body, 
proper functioning slows, blood flow becomes weaker and less oxygen reaches the brain. Drink a glass of water every two hours at least, when the goal is to drink 8-12 glasses of water a day.

6. Get some sun
Small doses of vitamin D can be a great incentive. Take a walk or sit a few minutes in the sun. 
Fresh air combined with natural light will make you feel more alert.
7. Move the body
Once you feel the fatigue taking over, get up and shake your body. Do some stretching, push-ups, 
a short trip or just a few jumps instead. Movement stimulates blood flow in the body and releases endorphins that make you feel alert.

8. Laugh out loud
Laughter has been shown to distress us but also acts as a natural stimulant. A good belly laugh releases endorphins that neutralize the bad effects of the hormone cortisol (stress hormone), increase blood flow and oxygen and give you a sense of well being.

9. Take a deep breath
Take a deep breath and slowly let it out through your nose, and again, fill your abdomen and exhale, emptying all the air from your lungs. Do it three times. Breathing will help your body relax and get rid of toxins, and the oxygen will stimulate you.

10. Put in a house plant
Stuffy offices have limited air movement which can increase fatigue and cause headaches and allergies. 
Insert household plants that can help filter out volatile chemical compounds and airborne pollutants, as well as stimulate air movement to better help you deal with the standing air, and make you feel less fatigued.

11. Smell a lemon
Certain smells like citrus, ginger and mint can produce a stimulating effects and increase alertness. Light a scented candle or sniff a lemon for stimulating energy and improved mood.

12. Surround yourself in red 
Studies show that the color red is associated with a sense of victory and confidence. Try to surroundyourself in shades of red to elevate your mood.

13. Sit upright
it wouldn't hurt to stand up straight in the chair. An Upright posture not only helps blood and oxygen to move more freely, but also enhances the sense of security.

14. Wake up the brain 
When the brain feels drowsy, try to wake him by solving a crossword puzzle, reading aloud, talking to a friend, a quick recitation or singing. 

15. Play with a pet
Spend time with your furry friend. It will make you feel happier and more energetic!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

SOME VERY POIGNANT WORDS

1. Life isn't  fair, but it's still  good.
2.   When in doubt, just take the next small step. 
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's  more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to  chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK  to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the  mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful,  beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the  candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22.  Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The  most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in  charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36.  Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37.  Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that  truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get  outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40.  If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up,  dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Husband/Wife



Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC

No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor

He is designed to remain Silent indoor...

.....................................................................

"Husband is one who is the head of the family,

but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."

........................................................................

A man in Hell asked Devil:

Can I make a call to my Wife?

After making call he asked how much to pay.

Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

................................................................

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever

...........................................................................

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one every day.

.................................................................

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you

...................................................................

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..

Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.

....................................................................

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?

Husband: A lovely Push...!

Ajab desh ki gajab kahani

Ajab desh ki gajab kahani


1.
   We live in a nation where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg and Sim Card is free.
2. Pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance and Police.
3. Car loan @ 5% but education loan @ 12%.
4. Students with 45% get in elite institutions thru quota system and those with
90% get out because of merit.
5. Where a millionaire can buy a cricket team instead of donating the
money to any charity. 2 IPL teams are auctioned at 3300 crores and we
are still a poor country where people starve for 2 square meals per
day.
6. Where the footwear, we wear, are sold in AC showrooms, but
vegetables, that we eat, are sold on the footpath.
7. Where everybody wants to be famous but nobody wants to follow the
path to be famous.
8. Assembly complex buildings are getting ready within one year while
public transport bridges alone take several years to be completed.
9. Where we make lemon juices with artificial flavors and dish wash
liquids with real lemon.