Imraan

EK sher BY doctor=Hoon mai doctor jahan,meri wife hai nurse waha,Yeh kaisa julm sehna PADTA hai,mujhe apni wife ko SISTER KEHNA PADTA hai..

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Jo sagar NE kaha lehron se, Jo ped NE kaha patto se, Jo phoolon NE kaha kaliyon se, wohi main tumhe kehta Hun, aey chal chal hawa aane de

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Imraan Hashmi Ne Apni Girlfriend Ko Pehle Apna AASHIQ BANAYA Phir Usne CHOCOLATE Main ZEHER Milakar Uska MURDER Karvaya.Girlfriend Ne Uske AKSAR Khwaab Me Aakar Kaha TUM SA NAHI DEKHA To Imraan Hashmi Ne Kaha Is KALYUG Me JAWANI DIWANI Hai.

Gunghat Mein Tujhe Dekha To Deewanna Hua, Sangeet Ka Taraana Hua, Shamaa Ka Parwana Hua, Masti Ka mastaana Hua, Jaise Hi Gunghat Uthaya Is Duniya Se Ravana Hua



wen i was sad; u were thr…
wen i was crying; u were thr…
wen i was unhappy; u were thr…
ab mujhay pata chala k saray fasad ki jarh TUM ho..!!



JAHAN KI GHURBAT MAI SUKON NAHI AAEGA
GHUM-E-TAUHEEN SE QUBOOL NAHI AAEGA
MAQLOOL KI FITRAT HAI E KAFIR
DIMAG KI DAHI HO JAEGI PR YEH SHER SAMAJH NAHI AAEGA

Kaun kahta hai ki budhape mei ishq nahi hota..
Kaun kahta hai ki budhape mei ishq nahi hota..
Darasal baat ye hai ki BUDDHO par kisiko shaq nahi hota…

Log kehte hain ki khuda ne aapko badi fursat mein banaaya hai...
Theek hi kehte hain, faltoo kaam fursat mein hi to kiye jaate hain

Aap din ko raat kaho to hum raat kahenge
Aap subah ko shaam kaho to hum shaam kahenge
Kyun ke hum

Paaglon se behas nahi karte.

Sardarji

Daru ki vajah se barbad sarabi ne kasam li aur ghar se daru ki bottles fekne laga........
1st fek ke bola teri vajah se meri naukari gayi.
2nd fek ke bola teri vajah se mera ghar bika.
3rd fekte bola teri vajah se meri bivi chali gayi.
4th Utai to vo bhara hua nikla, To bola tu side me ho ja isme tera koi kasur nahi hai



While travelling a sardar was carrying a binocular with him.
But he never seemed to use it while looking outside the window.
A co-passenger who was travelling with him asked why he was carrying binoculars.
The sardar simply said ..."I am on my way to see a distant relative."

Men Comes Late

Once There Was A Man.
He Used To Always Come In Time.

Once He Was Late.
Hence His Boss Asked Why Are U Late.
He Answered:

We Have A Lady In Our Society, She Is Very Acurate In A Word To Say. When She Plays Any Game ,she Wears The Clothes Which Are Ment For The Game. When She Goes To Her Office She Where's Formals Kind. When She Goes For A Picnic She Wears Dashing Clothes.

Hearing This His Boss Was Absolutely Flattered But In His Mind He Still Had One? Why Was The Man Late.

The Man Answered:
Today Was Her Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

Dil k Aaine mein

Jo dil k Aaine mein ho wohi hai pyar k Qabil…
Wrna Deewar k Qabil to har tasweer hoti hai




Palkon k ishare se izhaar kr gaya koi,
Hm se mila nai pr dil le gaya koi,
Tanhai mai Sans gum hogai hmari,
Jb khamosh reh kr pyar kr gaya koi




Chaand Ho Jesay Sitaron Say Allag
Esay Neainon Mein Haya lagti Hay
Teri Qurbat Mein Juki Si Nazar
Aik Masoom Si Dua Lagti Hay
Marhala Moat Ka Mushkil Magar
Zindgi Es Kay Siva Lagti Hay




Rulana Har Kisi Ko Ata Ha
Hasana Har Kisi Ko Ata Ha
Rula K Jo Mana Le Wo Sacha Yar Ha
Or Jo Rula K Khud B Aansu Bahaye
” Wo Sacha Pyar Ha ”



ANKHAIN
Jab Ye Jhukti Ha To
Dunya Ki Har Shay Apne Andar Samait Leti Hy
Jab Ye Dekhti Ha To
Samandr Ki Gehraion Se Moti Nikal Leti Hy
Jab Ye Mskurati Hy To
Dunya Ki Tamam Masumiat Apne Andar Jazb Kr Leti Hy
Jab Roti Ha To
Arsh Ko Hila Deti Hy
Or Jab Band Hoti Hy To
Dunya Ko Rula Deti Hy





“Kahun K Kia Ho Tum….?”
Mere liye meri Duniya ho Tum,
Cho k jo Guzre wo Hawa ho Tum,
Maine jo Mangi wo Dua ho Tum,
Kya maine Mehsos wo Ehsas ho Tum,
Meri Nazar ki Talash ho Tum,
Meri Zindagi ka Qarar ho Tum,

About Freinds

NEVER CRY FOR ANY RELATION IN LIFE

BECAUSE FOR THE ONE WHOM YOU CRY

DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR TEARS

AND THE ONE WHO DESERVES

WILL NEVER LET YOU CRY!!!!!!!!!!!!

TREAT EVERYONE WITH POLITENESS

EVEN THOSE WHO ARE RUDE TO YOU,

NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT NICE

BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEVER SEARCH YOUR HAPPINESS IN OTHERS

WHICH WILL MAKE YOU FEEL ALONE,

RATHER SEARCH IT IN YOURSELF

YOU WILL FEEL HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friends

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

You can only go as far as you push.

Actions speak louder than words.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

Don't let the past hold you back; you're missing the good stuff.

Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while, you might miss it.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.

If you think that the world means nothing, think again. You might mean the world to someone else.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there

True friendship never ends.

Friends are forever.

Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.

What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

NOBODY IS PERFECT UNTIL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM. (Isn't that the truth?)

Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Most people walk in and out of you life. But only friends leave footprints in your heart.

Facts About India

Amazing Facts about India and Indians!

India is the world's largest, oldest, continuous civilization.

India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.

India is the world's largest democracy.

Varanasi, also known as Benares, was called "the ancient city" when Lord Buddha visited it in 500 B.C.E, and is the oldest, continuously inhabited city in the world today.

India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.

The World's first university was established in Takshashila in 700BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.

Sanskrit is the mother of all the European languages. Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software - a report in Forbes magazine, July 1987.

Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans. Charaka, the father of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago.

Today Ayurveda is fast regaining its rightful place in our civilization.

Although modern images of India often show poverty and lack of development, India was the richest country on earth until the time of British invasion in the early 17th Century. Christopher Columbus was attracted by India's wealth.

The art of Navigation was born in the river Sindhu 6000 years ago.

The very word Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH.

The word navy is also derived from Sanskrit 'Nou'.
Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart.

Time taken by earth to orbit the sun: (5th century) 365.258756484 days.

The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century long before the European mathematicians.

Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India. Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11th century.

The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Hindus used numbers as big as 10**53(10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 BCE during the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number is Tera 10**12(10 to the power of 12).

IEEE has proved what has been a century old suspicion in the world scientific community that the pioneer of wireless communication was Prof. Jagdish Bose and not Marconi.

The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.
According to Saka King Rudradaman I of 150 CE a beautiful lake called Sudarshana was constructed on the hills of Raivataka during Chandragupta Maurya's time.

Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was invented in India.
Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted complicated surgeries like cesareans, cataract, artificial limbs, fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery and brain surgery. Usage of anesthesia was well known in ancient India.

Over 125 surgical equipment were used. Deep knowledge of anatomy, physiology, etiology, embryology, digestion, metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts.

When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley (Indus Valley Civilization).

The four religions born in India, Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, and Sikhism, are followed by 25% of the world's population.

The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.

India is one of the few countries in the World, which gained independence without violence.

India has the second largest pool of Scientists and Engineers in the World.

India is the largest English speaking nation in the world.

India is the only country other than US and Japan, to have built a super computer indigenously.

Following facts were published in a German Magazine which deals with world history. (I couldn't find out the name of that German Magazine, if you find please let me know.)
38% of Doctors in America are Indians.
12% of Scientists in America are Indians.
36% of NASA employees are Indians.
34% of Microsoft employees are Indians.
28% of IBM employees are Indians.
17% of Intel employees are Indians.
13% of Xerox employees are Indians.

Thoughts Of Men

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting

To succeed
with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.


My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man.
I told
her to rub her eyes.



Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad,
and the good stuff is out of your price range


Not only is life a
bitch, but it is always having puppies


I am skilled at the art of
love. I just wish I had a bigger paintbrush


A dress makes no sense
unless it inspires men to want to take it off you


A good sermon
should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough
to cover the essentials

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except
over the phone to people I don't know.


The best contraceptive is the
word no - repeated frequently


Condoms aren't completely safe. A
friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus

We all worry about
the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.


The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that
sex for money usually costs less.


Any piece of clothing can be
sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it


Sex is like nose
picking. It's fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it's disgusting
watching someone else doing it.


There are two types of people in
this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the
waking hours
much more

Thought Of Man

It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have
the time


Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what
they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.


A good
sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long
enough to cover the essentials


I was told that when you hit forty men stop looking at you.
It's true, until you slip on a mini-skirt.


We all worry about the
population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.


When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When
you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity


A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends
must part.


Graze on my lips, and if those hills are dry, Stray lower
where the pleasant fountains lie.

Thought Of The Day

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are

Santa & Banta

Three friends after exam.
Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha
main paper khali chor aya hon.
Banta: Main bhi!
Santa: Shit yaar,
teacher samjhe gi hum ne cheating ki hay.


Jeeto: Sharm ani chahiye,
tumhare Preeto se sambhand hai.
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala?
Jeeto: Kal Banta aya tha usne tumhara Underwear pahena hua tha.


Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur
anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.


Jeeto: U know, husband & wife
aren't allowed to be together in heaven!
Santa: Yes, I do.That's why it's
called heaven!


Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next
day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank's slogan was: We
make your dreams come true...


Banta: Wife agar husband ko naukar
samjhe to husband ko kya karna chahiye?
Santa: Zyada kuch nahi, do char ghar
aur pakad lene chahiye.


Santa opened A College. Guess the Name of
College?
The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS

If commerce students start making films

If commerce students start making films

Om Tally Om
Khabhi Credit Khabhi Debit
Cash Balance Wale Profit Le Jayenge
Main voucher ki diwani Hoon
Hum tax De chuke Sanam
Kaho Na cash Hai
Cheque de India :)

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"



4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought and messed up"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17 ."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Management Lessons

Four Management Lessons

Lesson Number One

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."


So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson Number Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson Number Three

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be Boss, any asshole will do!



Lesson Number Four

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard he bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:

1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

What is confidence?

What is confidence?

A hypothetical situation where 20 CEO's board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature Pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft.

Each one of the CEO's is then told, privately, that their company's software is Aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.

One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed, asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies "If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."

This is Confidence!!!

Desi Boy

Desi Boy: "Mere 4 Bhai & 6 Behne Hain, Aap K Kitne Hain?

American Boy:

"Mere Bhai, Behen Nahi,
Par Pehli Mom Se 4 Papa Aur Pehle Papa Se 6 Mom Hain"

What the Girls Want

What I Want in a Man, Original List

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer thing
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

Father watching TV

Father watching F T V suddenly son came.

Father: gareeb ladkiyan hain, kapde lene k liye bhi paise nahi hain!

Son: jab isse bhi gareeb aaen to mujhe bula lena.

Santa & Judge

Santa - Bachpan me maa ki baat suni hoti to aaj ye din na dekhna padta.

JUDGE - Kya kehti thi maa?

Santa - Jab baat hi nahi suni toh kaise bataun kya kehti thi.

Key Ideas Of Working

91. Tap into Your Secret Stress-Buster.
Breathing can help alleviate stress. Remind yourself to take slightly deeper breaths.

92. Speak to Others with Love and Respect.
It’s not only proper and less stressful to speak to other people in a kind and respectful manner, it is also smart business.

93. Don’t Go There.
If you feel that a path you’re taking might induce negative feelings, behavior, or
situations, don’t go there. Use the same principle when you find yourself asking
personal questions and thinking negative thoughts.

94. Remember to Appreciate the People You Work With.
People need and deserve to be appreciated. If you want to be around people who are happier and more loyal, show them your appreciation.

95. Don’t Sweat Your Critics.
When faced with critics, use their criticism to add to your growth. Don’t allow
yourself to become too affected.

96. Reduce Your Self-Induced Stress.
Believe it or not, you are personally responsible for a lot of the stress you are
feeling. Pay attention to your thoughts and try to dismiss the self-defeating ones.

97. Become Aware of the Thought Factor.
Your experience of life comes from your own thinking and perception. Choose to respond positively to negative situations.

98. Ease Off Your Ego.
Choose to shrink the size of your ego. This will take a lot of humility and
patience but this will ease a lot of pressure.

99. Remember, Small Stuff Happens.
Accept that you will encounter a lot of small stuff within the day. Instead of worrying or panicking, just accept that you will have to deal with them.

100. Don’t Live for Retirement.
Live for today. Don’t postpone being happy. Every day is important so you might as well be happy right now. If you do so, you will be happy every single day for the rest of your life.

Thought Of The Day

“ALL rewards come from doing, not from knowing.”

Key Ideas Of Working

80. Stay Close to Your Center.
When you feel calm and inspired, you are close to your center.

Therefore, you’ll be able to get work done more effectively and

efficiently.

81. Forgive Yourself, You’re Human.
Once again, you must face that it is inevitable that you’ll make

mistakes. Forgive your flaws and errors. Accept them as an

unavoidable fact of life and learn to recover from them.

82. Put Your Mind in Neutral.
By clearing your mind of focused thinking, you become responsive. Your best
work can be accomplished when your mind is in neutral.

83. Marvel at How Often Things Go Right.
Instead of complaining why things always go wrong, stop and

think about those times when everything went right.

84. Make Peace with Chaos.
Chaos is everywhere. The best way to deal with chaos is to

surrender and make peace with it. Instead of trying to control

your world, learn to work with chaos without being negatively affected.

85. Prevent Burnout.
Strive to keep a balanced life. You should also be growth-oriented. Make sure
you have a life outside of work.

86. Experience a Magical Transformation.
Transform your current way of thinking and behavior into a

more positive alternative. Review your negative habits and

traits and try to conquer them.

87. Avoid “If Only, Then” Thinking.
Stop wishing that things were different. It is destructive and even

worse; you are putting your happiness on hold.

88. Eliminate the Worry Factor.
When you worry less, you will experience more success. Excessive

worrying will only make it difficult for you to focus your efforts.

89. Ask for What You Want, But Don’t Insist on Getting It.
Do not be afraid to ask for what you want. However, do not be

attached to the outcome. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up

disappointment.

90. Remember the Whole Story.
Don’t focus on the negative. In truth, things are not as bad as it seems.