jokes

Boy: I’m not rich like Rahul, I don’t even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U!
Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul



Question : Why do girls close
their eyes while kissing a guy?
Guess…
Guess
.
.
.
Answer : Yeh ladkiyan ladkon
ko kabhi khush nahi dekh sakti.



Teacher: How Old is ur father. Sunny: As old as I m. Tcher: How is it possible? Sunny: He bcom father only after I was born.


Why Sardar study in front of Mirror??????
1) It Saves Revision Time…..
2) He Likes Combined Studies…..
3) Lastly he wants someone to keep an eye on him…



Ladki patane ka tarika “use gudgudi karo agar hasi to samzo fasi lekin palat k chata mar de to zor zor se chillao ” didi dar gayi didi dar gayi”.



sardar to his friend :
i kiss my wife everyday before i go to office & u >
friend : i kiss your wife after u go to office
sardar : haha ha i kiss 1st..



boy propose to a girl ::- do you love me.>
girl- shakal dekhi hai apni.
isse acha to main mar jana pasand karoongi
boy – kamini mar jayegi par ek
garib ke kaam nahin aayegi..



Date pai ghalib apni grl frnd ka wait kar rahai thai grl frnd kai dair sai anai par farmaya……
Falak kai sitaroun ko neend arahi hai..
Pagal ki bachii tou ab arahi hai


Sardar travelling 1st time in a plain,going 2 Bengalore.While it’s landing he shouted
“Bangalore, Bangalore”
Air hostess said:“B silent”[/b
Sardar:"angalore, angalore"


Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.



Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi kar Lena.
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!



Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain?
Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya jaa rahi hai?



It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Imraan

EK sher BY doctor=Hoon mai doctor jahan,meri wife hai nurse waha,Yeh kaisa julm sehna PADTA hai,mujhe apni wife ko SISTER KEHNA PADTA hai..

___________________________________________________________________________________
Jo sagar NE kaha lehron se, Jo ped NE kaha patto se, Jo phoolon NE kaha kaliyon se, wohi main tumhe kehta Hun, aey chal chal hawa aane de

___________________________________________________________________________________

Imraan Hashmi Ne Apni Girlfriend Ko Pehle Apna AASHIQ BANAYA Phir Usne CHOCOLATE Main ZEHER Milakar Uska MURDER Karvaya.Girlfriend Ne Uske AKSAR Khwaab Me Aakar Kaha TUM SA NAHI DEKHA To Imraan Hashmi Ne Kaha Is KALYUG Me JAWANI DIWANI Hai.

Gunghat Mein Tujhe Dekha To Deewanna Hua, Sangeet Ka Taraana Hua, Shamaa Ka Parwana Hua, Masti Ka mastaana Hua, Jaise Hi Gunghat Uthaya Is Duniya Se Ravana Hua



wen i was sad; u were thr…
wen i was crying; u were thr…
wen i was unhappy; u were thr…
ab mujhay pata chala k saray fasad ki jarh TUM ho..!!



JAHAN KI GHURBAT MAI SUKON NAHI AAEGA
GHUM-E-TAUHEEN SE QUBOOL NAHI AAEGA
MAQLOOL KI FITRAT HAI E KAFIR
DIMAG KI DAHI HO JAEGI PR YEH SHER SAMAJH NAHI AAEGA

Kaun kahta hai ki budhape mei ishq nahi hota..
Kaun kahta hai ki budhape mei ishq nahi hota..
Darasal baat ye hai ki BUDDHO par kisiko shaq nahi hota…

Log kehte hain ki khuda ne aapko badi fursat mein banaaya hai...
Theek hi kehte hain, faltoo kaam fursat mein hi to kiye jaate hain

Aap din ko raat kaho to hum raat kahenge
Aap subah ko shaam kaho to hum shaam kahenge
Kyun ke hum

Paaglon se behas nahi karte.

Sardarji

Daru ki vajah se barbad sarabi ne kasam li aur ghar se daru ki bottles fekne laga........
1st fek ke bola teri vajah se meri naukari gayi.
2nd fek ke bola teri vajah se mera ghar bika.
3rd fekte bola teri vajah se meri bivi chali gayi.
4th Utai to vo bhara hua nikla, To bola tu side me ho ja isme tera koi kasur nahi hai



While travelling a sardar was carrying a binocular with him.
But he never seemed to use it while looking outside the window.
A co-passenger who was travelling with him asked why he was carrying binoculars.
The sardar simply said ..."I am on my way to see a distant relative."

Men Comes Late

Once There Was A Man.
He Used To Always Come In Time.

Once He Was Late.
Hence His Boss Asked Why Are U Late.
He Answered:

We Have A Lady In Our Society, She Is Very Acurate In A Word To Say. When She Plays Any Game ,she Wears The Clothes Which Are Ment For The Game. When She Goes To Her Office She Where's Formals Kind. When She Goes For A Picnic She Wears Dashing Clothes.

Hearing This His Boss Was Absolutely Flattered But In His Mind He Still Had One? Why Was The Man Late.

The Man Answered:
Today Was Her Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

Dil k Aaine mein

Jo dil k Aaine mein ho wohi hai pyar k Qabil…
Wrna Deewar k Qabil to har tasweer hoti hai




Palkon k ishare se izhaar kr gaya koi,
Hm se mila nai pr dil le gaya koi,
Tanhai mai Sans gum hogai hmari,
Jb khamosh reh kr pyar kr gaya koi




Chaand Ho Jesay Sitaron Say Allag
Esay Neainon Mein Haya lagti Hay
Teri Qurbat Mein Juki Si Nazar
Aik Masoom Si Dua Lagti Hay
Marhala Moat Ka Mushkil Magar
Zindgi Es Kay Siva Lagti Hay




Rulana Har Kisi Ko Ata Ha
Hasana Har Kisi Ko Ata Ha
Rula K Jo Mana Le Wo Sacha Yar Ha
Or Jo Rula K Khud B Aansu Bahaye
” Wo Sacha Pyar Ha ”



ANKHAIN
Jab Ye Jhukti Ha To
Dunya Ki Har Shay Apne Andar Samait Leti Hy
Jab Ye Dekhti Ha To
Samandr Ki Gehraion Se Moti Nikal Leti Hy
Jab Ye Mskurati Hy To
Dunya Ki Tamam Masumiat Apne Andar Jazb Kr Leti Hy
Jab Roti Ha To
Arsh Ko Hila Deti Hy
Or Jab Band Hoti Hy To
Dunya Ko Rula Deti Hy





“Kahun K Kia Ho Tum….?”
Mere liye meri Duniya ho Tum,
Cho k jo Guzre wo Hawa ho Tum,
Maine jo Mangi wo Dua ho Tum,
Kya maine Mehsos wo Ehsas ho Tum,
Meri Nazar ki Talash ho Tum,
Meri Zindagi ka Qarar ho Tum,

About Freinds

NEVER CRY FOR ANY RELATION IN LIFE

BECAUSE FOR THE ONE WHOM YOU CRY

DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR TEARS

AND THE ONE WHO DESERVES

WILL NEVER LET YOU CRY!!!!!!!!!!!!

TREAT EVERYONE WITH POLITENESS

EVEN THOSE WHO ARE RUDE TO YOU,

NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT NICE

BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEVER SEARCH YOUR HAPPINESS IN OTHERS

WHICH WILL MAKE YOU FEEL ALONE,

RATHER SEARCH IT IN YOURSELF

YOU WILL FEEL HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friends

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

You can only go as far as you push.

Actions speak louder than words.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

Don't let the past hold you back; you're missing the good stuff.

Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while, you might miss it.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.

If you think that the world means nothing, think again. You might mean the world to someone else.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there

True friendship never ends.

Friends are forever.

Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.

What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

NOBODY IS PERFECT UNTIL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM. (Isn't that the truth?)

Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Most people walk in and out of you life. But only friends leave footprints in your heart.

Facts About India

Amazing Facts about India and Indians!

India is the world's largest, oldest, continuous civilization.

India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.

India is the world's largest democracy.

Varanasi, also known as Benares, was called "the ancient city" when Lord Buddha visited it in 500 B.C.E, and is the oldest, continuously inhabited city in the world today.

India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.

The World's first university was established in Takshashila in 700BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.

Sanskrit is the mother of all the European languages. Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software - a report in Forbes magazine, July 1987.

Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans. Charaka, the father of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago.

Today Ayurveda is fast regaining its rightful place in our civilization.

Although modern images of India often show poverty and lack of development, India was the richest country on earth until the time of British invasion in the early 17th Century. Christopher Columbus was attracted by India's wealth.

The art of Navigation was born in the river Sindhu 6000 years ago.

The very word Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH.

The word navy is also derived from Sanskrit 'Nou'.
Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart.

Time taken by earth to orbit the sun: (5th century) 365.258756484 days.

The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century long before the European mathematicians.

Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India. Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11th century.

The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Hindus used numbers as big as 10**53(10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 BCE during the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number is Tera 10**12(10 to the power of 12).

IEEE has proved what has been a century old suspicion in the world scientific community that the pioneer of wireless communication was Prof. Jagdish Bose and not Marconi.

The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.
According to Saka King Rudradaman I of 150 CE a beautiful lake called Sudarshana was constructed on the hills of Raivataka during Chandragupta Maurya's time.

Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was invented in India.
Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted complicated surgeries like cesareans, cataract, artificial limbs, fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery and brain surgery. Usage of anesthesia was well known in ancient India.

Over 125 surgical equipment were used. Deep knowledge of anatomy, physiology, etiology, embryology, digestion, metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts.

When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley (Indus Valley Civilization).

The four religions born in India, Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, and Sikhism, are followed by 25% of the world's population.

The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.

India is one of the few countries in the World, which gained independence without violence.

India has the second largest pool of Scientists and Engineers in the World.

India is the largest English speaking nation in the world.

India is the only country other than US and Japan, to have built a super computer indigenously.

Following facts were published in a German Magazine which deals with world history. (I couldn't find out the name of that German Magazine, if you find please let me know.)
38% of Doctors in America are Indians.
12% of Scientists in America are Indians.
36% of NASA employees are Indians.
34% of Microsoft employees are Indians.
28% of IBM employees are Indians.
17% of Intel employees are Indians.
13% of Xerox employees are Indians.

Thoughts Of Men

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting

To succeed
with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.


My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man.
I told
her to rub her eyes.



Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad,
and the good stuff is out of your price range


Not only is life a
bitch, but it is always having puppies


I am skilled at the art of
love. I just wish I had a bigger paintbrush


A dress makes no sense
unless it inspires men to want to take it off you


A good sermon
should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough
to cover the essentials

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except
over the phone to people I don't know.


The best contraceptive is the
word no - repeated frequently


Condoms aren't completely safe. A
friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus

We all worry about
the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.


The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that
sex for money usually costs less.


Any piece of clothing can be
sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it


Sex is like nose
picking. It's fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it's disgusting
watching someone else doing it.


There are two types of people in
this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the
waking hours
much more

Thought Of Man

It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have
the time


Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what
they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.


A good
sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long
enough to cover the essentials


I was told that when you hit forty men stop looking at you.
It's true, until you slip on a mini-skirt.


We all worry about the
population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.


When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When
you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity


A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends
must part.


Graze on my lips, and if those hills are dry, Stray lower
where the pleasant fountains lie.

Thought Of The Day

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are

Santa & Banta

Three friends after exam.
Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha
main paper khali chor aya hon.
Banta: Main bhi!
Santa: Shit yaar,
teacher samjhe gi hum ne cheating ki hay.


Jeeto: Sharm ani chahiye,
tumhare Preeto se sambhand hai.
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala?
Jeeto: Kal Banta aya tha usne tumhara Underwear pahena hua tha.


Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur
anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.


Jeeto: U know, husband & wife
aren't allowed to be together in heaven!
Santa: Yes, I do.That's why it's
called heaven!


Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next
day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank's slogan was: We
make your dreams come true...


Banta: Wife agar husband ko naukar
samjhe to husband ko kya karna chahiye?
Santa: Zyada kuch nahi, do char ghar
aur pakad lene chahiye.


Santa opened A College. Guess the Name of
College?
The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS